NORWOOD RADIO SCRIPT

The long awaited release is here! Behold in all its glory!

Mr. Host Guy: Nuclear power is safe! Well that’s the News for today! Next we have our daily educational show on OZONE radio ! Today the topic is Norwood football club before 1900.

(random music)

Kodauzhf: Ok thanks. Well as you know today’s topic is… what is today’s topic?! Mr. Backstage guy! What’s the topic?

Mr. Backstage guy: It’s the Norwood football club before 1900.

Kodauzhf: Good. Well our first guest is Sir. Richard Branson. So Richard when did Norwood enter as a football club.

Sir. Richard Branson: They Joined in 1878 and won a premiership in their first year.

Kodauzhf: We have a caller! For the first time ever. Hello who is this.

Gerald Huygens: Why I am Gerald Huygens of course. And I called to say you have insulted me! How dare you call me Norwood!

Kodauzhf: Ok that is good. Now would you shut up! We’re doing a show.

Gerald Huygens: No you evil toilet from north Swaziland! I will ne…

Kids: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Swaziland!

Kodauzhf: Stupid Kids. Now How many premierships did Norwood win in their first seasons before 1900.

Richard: Well in 22 seasons they won 11 premierships.

Kodauzhf: In what seasons did they win?

Richard: In 1878-1883 1887-1889 1891 and 1894.

Kodauzhf: Ok Richard so..

Bill Gates: Hi I’m Bill Gates! MICROSOFT SHALL RULE THE WORLD!

Kids: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Microsoft!

Kodauzhf: well that was random.

Bill Gates: MICROSOFT!

Kodauzhf: So Richard is there anything else interesting on the Norwood football club you have?

Richard: why yes. Albert Green played for Norwood and won the first ever Magery Medal. Unfortunately they didn’t have a permanent home until 1907 after the end of the 19th century. Norwood was in the top teams in Australia at the time.

Kodauzhf: well that’s all we have time for until next week.

Kids: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Week.

Kodauzhf: Shut Up stupid Kids!

Kids: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Kids!

Kodauzhf: Ok goodbye and go to Swaziland.

Richard: Go to Swaziland!

Kids: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Swaziland!

(random music)

Bob Geldof: Hello kiddies! And today I will sing puff the magic dragon.

Kids: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! And!

Bob Geldof: Puff the magic dragon.

Aliens: Doorknobs come to shoe your teapots!

Gerald Huygens: What the?

Aliens: go eat geologists you rabid sesame street!

Gerald Huygens: I love sesame street!

Mr. Backstage Guy: Ok? I need a vacation.

Aliens: we eat rouge firearms in war.

Gerald Huygens: Buh?

Aliens: they no go to yogi bear? Global Snoring.

Bob Geldof: Living by the …….

Bill Gates: MICROSOFT XP COMPUTER!

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!

John Ears: It appears we have some ah? Technical problems. So we now give you our hit call show “Hello is your name bob?”.

Jim Canola: Yes I am your host Jim Canola and our first caller is Gerald Huygens. Gerald? Hello.

Gerald Huygens: No my name is not bob!

Jim Canola: So what should our topic be today? Mr. Huygens?

Gerald Huygens: Why We should Kill George Bush.

CRASH!

FBI Guy: You are under arrest! You’re coming with us!

Gerald Huygens: VOODOO! Take him! Take that guy over there!

FBI Guy: No. Come with us.

Jim Canola: OK?

Gerald Huygens: NOUN! I’m Innocent!

Superman Impersonator: Oh no a damsel in distress! Don’t worry.

FBI Guy: You! You are under arrest for impersonating superman.

Superman Impersonator: No one arrests superman! To the Mobile Phone Mobile!

FBI Guy: Shut up!

BANG!!!

Jim Canola: Would some one hang up on this guy!

Superman Impersonator: ZOUNDS! They have found my weakness.

Hobo: Superman has no weakness!

FBI Guy: Would everyone just come with us!

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

Jim Canola: Good now that that’s over. Oyo! We have a caller.
Hello who is this?

Elmo: Elmo is on the phone.

Jim Canola: Elmo what should today’s topic be?

Elmo: Elmo happy. Elmo show kids how to hang up on radio show.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

Jim Canola: OK? So… NOT ANOTHER CALLER! WHO IS THIS!

Puff the magic dragon: I’m Puff the magic dragon. Who are you?

Jim Canola: OK? I think I’m insane.

Mr. Backstage Guy: I really need a vacation!

Puff the magic dragon: Tootles. I must go enjoy my fancy gifts that I have just received which includes Ceiling wax! So Tootles!

Jim Canola: Rah! Go to an ad break!

Steve Irwin: I always use a Toyota no matter whether I’m creating a bad Australian stereotype or finding more crocs to dangle my baby at. I’ll always use a Toyota!

Jim Canola: Save me O mighty RA!

Ra: Yes Jim. I shall save you.

Jim Canola: Thank you mighty Ra!

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

Mr. Backstage guy: Since all our hosts have been somehow incapacitated.

Mr. Host Guy: Get them away! Ah my eyes! Stupid Koalas! I only wanted to kiss you! Help!

Mr. Backstage Guy: I am your host for the next however long I am so…….

Kodauzhf: I’m back! Welcome to the….

Mr. Host Guy: KOALAS!! HELP!

Buddha: You must find enlightenment.

Ra: No! You all must worship me!

Hobo: Worship me as I am Jesus!

Ra: Yes Jesus.

Buddha: Oh holy Jesus what is our quest?

Hobo: To give me money.

Ra: Yes lord.

Mr. Backstage Guy: Adios Senors! To Spain with me!

Hobo: Give Jesus Money!

Cow: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Talking Lungfish: Hello. I’m a talking lungfish. Who are you.

Hobo: I’m Jesus.

Ra: I’m Ra.

Buddha: Who am I? That’s right I’m Buddha!

Hobo: All shall worship Jesus!

Christian God: No you are not Jesus. Hang on you are!

Ganesha: Jesus Sneezes! Worship me!

Dancing Potato: I’m a dancing potato!

Osiris: Yes Lord!

Guy who says fire: FIRE!

Steve Irwin: G’day mates! I’m Steve Irwin and I’m here to say lets all go throw some shrimp on the Barbie!

Osiris: We shall worship you Steve Irwin!

Ganesha: Yes O mighty Steve Irwin.

Dancing Potato: I would be honored to be eaten by you Steve Irwin.

Al: I be Al foreseer of foreseeing stuff!

Steve Irwin: CRIKEY! You must be rich as a Toyota!

Jackie Chan: MOOOO!

Guy who says fire: FIRE!

Superman Impersonator: MOOOO!

FBI Guy: Get back here!

Superman Impersonator: I’m a chicken!

FBI Guy: Shut Up

BANG!!!!!

Superman Impersonator: Ahh I’ve been shot!

Hobo: Nothing can hurt superman!

FBI Guy: Jesus! O holy lord what must we do?

Hobo: Give Jesus money!

Ok Guy: OK

Superman Impersonator: I’m a chicken!

Ask Jeeves: President! Should we fire on the radio station?

George W. Bush: Yes.

Guy who says fire: FIRE!

Ganesha: I sense a missile! I must leave!

Hobo: Jesus run away!

Buddha: To the magic carpet!

Ra: To the sun!

Kodauzhf: Got to go!

Mr. Host Guy: Koalas! Help! I also must go!

Talking Lungfish: I must leave this place.

Christian God: There is no danger!

Automated Missile voice: Approaching Target.

Christian God: Oh crap!

Puff the magic Dragon: Don’t worry Bob Geldof! I’ll save you!

Bob Geldof: Don’t forget the Kiddies! Or Bill Gates!

Puff the magic dragon: Ok!

Christian God: Oh no!!! CRAP!

Poof.

Osiris: Well that was slightly anti-climactic.

Dracula: Welcome I am your new Radio host! It appears we have a Victim! I mean a Caller!

Old Lady: Where is Kodauzhf? I want Talking Lawn Bowls!

CRASH!!

Old Ladies: WE WANT TALKING LAWN BOWLS!!!!!!!!!

Dracula: More fresh Victims! I will need backup!

Dracula Junior: Greetings father, I have brought the whole family time to party like it’s thirteen-ninety-nine.

Christian God: Vampires do not exist.

Dracula: Oh I forgot.

Christian God: Old Ladies don’t exist either.

To be continued…